i equal rock

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 23:28:39 GMT

I was going to walk home today but Steve offered me a ride. I can't drive my car because the breaks are broken. Tomorrow, hopefully, they shall be fixed.

Last night, I went to a class called "Protecting God's Children." It was about child sexual abuse, how to look for it and prevent it. It was kind of gross but it made it seem like if you do anything nice to children, you are exhibiting sexually predatory behavior. For example, according to this Catholicly biased video, you are suspicious if you tickle or wrestle with children.

I can admit that if I was at a playground and some random d00d started tickling my kid, I'd be uptight. But if you know them... it seems fine. I don't know.

They had sandwhiches.

And on my plate, Veronica wrote "I <3 you". It struck me as odd. Up to last night, I had been very mean to her because the first time I met her in 13 years (she went to preschool with me), she seemed like a snobby preppy bitch. Shame on me for being prejudice. It's hard not to be though when her "type" were the people to help my lowering self esteem in grade school.

Turns out, she's kind of cool... Just like Pasqua. I guess my old friend, Karen (not the one I mentioned earlier) was right. She told me that all I have to do to make people like me is let go of inhibitions and just have fun. Last night, my coworkers, who were reluctantly at this meeting with me, were bummed that they had to spend 2 and a half hours of their night doing something for work that they didn't get paid for. I hated seeing them mad, Elizabeth especially, so I tried to cheer them up and I ended up making good of a bad situation. It was actually fun.

But I'm mad at my mom. I told her that a mechanic said my car problems could potentially cost me up to $1000. That's three zeroes. For some reason, she felt the need to try to belittle me by saying something like "If you didn't go blow your money on all that other stuff" and then I cut her off. She was talking about the Gameboy/Pokemon game I bought a week ago, which was the last even remotely expensive thing I bought for myself in probably a year.

I have $900 right now that I have saved for college and will probably have to use to fix the car. I guess she wasn't thinking of that. I guess she wasn't thinking of the other $950 I saved up during the summer to buy the car I have now because my last one was a literal safety hazard to myself and other commuters.

I hate that I'm mad. One of the few things about myself that I can be proud of, in my opinion, is my ability to let go of things that bring me down and get over it and learn from it from a logical perspective. It just changes when it has to do with my mom. I guess it's because I really care what she thinks.

Same with Rachel.

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 06:42:01 GMT

Back to work. Back to kids. Back to yelling and biting and screaming and changing diapers.

Back to money. Back to life. Back to laughing. Back to Liz.

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 02:11:55 GMT

Today, Elizabeth colored me a picture. On it, it said:

Teacher Scott,
Please smile. You make me sad when you don't smile. I hope whatever you have on your mind goes okay and that you will be back to your normal Scott self.

<3 Elizabeth

(heh)

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 13:52:35 GMT

Tomorrow, Karen comes back to work. I dislike the woman. She is too talkative for me. She is always trying to analyze kids and then tell me about it in a volume which is inaudible to humans.

I am good with the kids when I work alone. I don't know why she even shows up.

GO SWAMPERT. SURF ATTACK NOW.

Off to work I go. ZiNG

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 04:09:48 GMT

The more Steve calls Elizabeth a bitch, the more I like and enjoy her because I try even harder to find her negativity.

And it's just not there.

We are like a convenient yin and yang. I am a morning person. She isn't. When I get to work, and we're in the cafeteria, I cheer her up. And then later, when I come back from break and switch classes, she cheers me up. She can make me smile anytime. She just looks at you with this shit eating grin and it's impossible to not laugh. What a dork.

If I began to say all the stupid inside jokes we have, no one who reads this would understand. And I love that. After such a short time, we have become such wonderful friends. I feel lucky.

This could go somewhere.